imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
