I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
