at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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