she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
