mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
