dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
