Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The air taste purple.
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