you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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