ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
