I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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