Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
