I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
