nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
