I love black thongs
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
