How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
