it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
