What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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