Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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