dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
