its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
