your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Randomize
