Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
