We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
