So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
