She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
