I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
