Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just pee around me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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