Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You made out with two different species that night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
