I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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