What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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