i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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