My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
