I want to have your abortion
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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