ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The power of my boobs compel you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
