i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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