my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
