Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
