We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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