Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
