I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
