I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the day after is always just damage control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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