she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
