Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
