when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
