she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
