Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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