god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
