maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
