i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
there is glitter all over my balls
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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