sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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