Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We left an ass print on the piano.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
